


Sleep At Last

by SneezeRogers



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, founding fathers - Fandom
Genre: I cried writing this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John Commits Suicide, John Laurens' death, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, SO SAD, Sad, Seriously guys, alex is hella bi, bisexual Hamilton, but alex doesnt know how to console him??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5436755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneezeRogers/pseuds/SneezeRogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Laurens is the brightest star in Alexander Hamilton's universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep At Last

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Saturn by Sleep At Last   
> “You taught me the courage of stars before you left; how light carries on endlessly even after death.”

   Alexander woke with a start, a knock on his door bringing him to consciousness abruptly. Wrapping his coat around his shoulders to protect his sleepy frame from the night air, he walked to the door, unlatching it and opening the heavy door to see a young man, out of breath and looking pale.

 

   “Hamilton, right? Its your friend Laurens; he had a disagreement with this guy, an-- and they didn’t even plan a duel or nothin’, just pulled out their guns--”

 

   Alexander’s brow furrowed, stopping him. “Laurens? Is he hurt-- stop rambling!” He ordered, suddenly shutting the door behind him and heading out into the cold night.

 

   The man nodded, hurriedly leading Alex to the area where the two must have had their disagreement. “He’s leaned against that tree- ‘m not sure he’s gonna make it,” He breathed, looking over to the dark haired man worriedly.

 

   Cursing under his breath, Alexander rushed to the tree where the boy had told him John was laid. “John, _John,_ ” He breathed, shaking his head as he looked over the freckled man’s pallid face. “How bad is it?” He asked softly.

 

   John shakily fumbled to grab Alexander’s hands, leading them to the wound in his abdomen, the damp crimson area slowly spreading from his left. “I-- It hurts, Alex,” He managed, his voice wavering as the other man hushed him.

 

   “Shh, don’t talk. Just focus on me, alright? I know you can do that,” He said soothingly, his heart breaking just a fraction more as he saw a heavy tear fall from the caramel eye of the injured man below him. Using his thumb, he brushed away the tear, letting his hand linger on John’s pale cheek. “I’ll kill him, John; You just tell me who it was, and I’ll make sure he--”

 

   John shook his head, sniffing a bit and then wincing. “N-no, Alexander, don’t put yourself in that kind of danger,” He said softly. “Please just.. Tell me about those islands; you know, the ones you always talked about growing up on?” He asked, his eyes staying on Alexander the entire time.

 

   Stopping in his tracks, the man above Laurens nodded, deciding his happiness was more important than his own. “It was so beautiful, John-- always sunny and warm, no matter how bad I had it. The sun, it wasn’t like the sun here, it made everything golden. And the water, bluer than anything you’d ever seen,” Alexander explained, watching a small smile curl out onto John’s face. “You would’ve loved it, my dear Laurens-- maybe in the spring I can arrange a trip for ourselves to go down and enjoy the island,” He offered, giving the man’s hand a gentle squeeze.

 

   John shut his eyes, letting out a heavy breath as Alex squeezed his hand. “Before you go about yelling, I’m not dead-- just closing my eyes for a moment,” He said, cracking a small smile.

 

   Alex shook his head, making a noise of opposition. “I'm afraid not, Laurens-- I’ll have to ask you to keep them open unless you wish for me to yell for a doctor. I can’t risk losing my right hand man,” He said fondly, his eyes falling down to the bullet wound. “Has the boy called a doctor? You should really get this checked on before its too--” Laurens shook his head, stopping the man’s thought process immediately.

 

   “Alex, look at me, please,” the man spoke softly, both in pain and in confidence. “There was no duel-- I.. the wound was intentional; I inflicted this wound upon myself,” He breathed, earning an exhale of disbelief from the other man.

 

   “But-- John, how _desperate_ of a cause would lead you to do this? If you were only to let me know, I could have aided in resolving the issue myself, not-- not losing you,” Alexander was now the one driven to wavering words now, his eyes hot and threatening to spill with tears. Suddenly aware of his friend’s state against the cold ground, Alexander shed his coat, draping it over John’s chest.

 

   With a slight smile, John Laurens leaned his head back against the tree. “It was never the abolition I was so passionate about-- no, I agree all the men of our country should be free, but it was you, Alexander. I was passionate about you and everything that involved you; and now that you’ve got yourself a quaint family and a life to lead, there simply is no place for me in this puzzle. I trust you will continue my work through my death, and find that in my suffering comes a new joy that you will be able to without guilt or second thoughts love your dear Eliza,” He explained slowly, having to stop mid-sentence a few times to catch his breath.

 

   With shaky breaths, Alexander shook his head in disbelief, his tears falling freely. “N- _No_ , it can’t be, my dear Laurens that your.. your _petty_ love for an immigrant such as myself could move such a man as you to the notion of death,” he said tearily, brushing the thick waves of hair off of John’s forehead. “I wish that it was in my power that I could convince you of my love with my actions, rather than words my dear Laurens,” he murmured, his words wobbly from the tears falling in rapid succession down his cheeks.

 

   John smiled, willing himself to keep his eyes open as Alexander spoke despite the nagging pain in his side, demanding to be addressed as he could physically feel the bullet embedding itself deeper into his side, edging dangerously close to his left lung, at which time he would die within moments, his own blood drowning him from the inside. “Then show me, Alexander. You’re running out of time,” he said softly, his body shivering even beneath the added layer of warmth on top of him.

 

   Alexander, his eyes searching the swimming amber of the man’s beneath him, surged forwards to close the space between the two, cold lips finding each other in the colder night. His eyes shutting, Alexander let his hand move to cup the man’s freckled cheek. The two lingered like that for a moment, somehow forgetting all the hurt and cold surrounding them that they would be forced to face as soon as they separated.

 

   After a moment, the dark haired man pulled back enough for Laurens to breathe, his lips flushed with the intensity of the embrace. “Why didn’t you tell me, John?” He asked after a long moment of silence, the air around them beginning to bring snow, the white flakes falling on top of Laurens’ injured frame. “Nevermind that-- Let me take you inside, please, John. We’ll both be dead by the morning if we stay out in the cold,” He said, moving to attempt to pick John up in the least painful way possible. The freckled man shook his head in opposition, reaching for Alexander from beneath the coat.

 

   “The bullet-- it’s near my lungs. If you try and move me, it will only speed this process along, Alexander,” he informed the man with remorse. This had Alexander letting out a breath and settling into the ground beside John with a shudder.

 

   “In that case, a cold is a small price to pay for a few more moments with my closest friend,” he offered with a slight grin. The dark haired man reached beneath the jacket, it’s length looking almost comical on the shorter man, to grab Laurens’ hand, their cold fingers interlocking. Alexander shifted over so that John’s head could lull to the side for rest without pain, his cinnamon brown hair contrasting almost angelically with the white of his own dress shirt.

 

   “If you are to perish tonight, my dear, I ask you to give me an impressive quote to present to those inquiring on the matter of your fate,” He requested lightheartedly, trying to make the moment less depressing for the both of them.

 

   John would have laughed if it wasn’t for the crippling fear of death in his gut at Alexander’s wit. “How about a bit of advice for you, lionheart?” he asked, only able to speak in small intervals at this point. “From those who promise much, much is expected. Remember that, Alexander. And don’t let the people know I died with such meagerness-- I would prefer an honorable death; not that your eyes aren’t enough to make me give up my every ounce of honor,” he murmured, turning his head a bit so he was speaking more against the other man’s neck.

 

   Alexander smiled, letting out a soft breathy laugh. “I.. I can do that,” He agreed, glancing down to the obviously tired man pressed against his left arm. “If you so wish, my dear Laurens, sleep. It will do you well.” He said, knowing exactly what his words really implied.

 

   John looked up to Alexander, their eyes meeting momentarily. “I will see you again, my love. I don’t believe the universe could be so cruel to not allow two such as us to be parted for an infinity,” he breathed, eyes watery with tears. “I refuse to believe that this is the end, Alexander.”

 

   Alexander nodded, his tears never ceasing as his mouth curled into a sad smile. “I agree, my precious, precious, Laurens. The heavens have certainly missed your face, though, my love.” Tucking a strand of cinnamon hair behind the freckled man’s ear, Alexander watched as John smiled, his eyes fluttering shut.

 

   John remained conscious as he shut his eyes, his thoughts swimming and disorganized between the presence of Alexander and the excruciating pain of the progressing bullet, knowing that it had to be only moments away from puncturing his lung. “Before I am rendered unable, I must reassure you, my Alexander that I died with nothing but love for you in my heart,” the freckled man said softly.

 

   Upon hearing this, Alexander smiled, making sure the snowflakes that caught in John’s hair and rested on his cheekbones were brushed away before they could chill him. “I know, my love. I would expect nothing less of a human capable of such intense emotion. I will be left to eternally compare anyone who resides as my second in command to the elusive John Laurens, I know you aware.”

 

   John let out a small laugh, his abdomen tensing and sending a shockwave through him, focring him to cough. To his own shock, with the cough came the hot crimson of blood on his lower lip, his breaths becoming shallow. John’s grip on Alexander’s hand tightened in fear, his eyes opening once again as they pleaded for more time-- for more of his Alexander, for more judgement on his part of the situation. “A-Alex, I can’t breathe,” he said, choking out a sob.

 

   Alexander couldn’t help but to draw in a shaky breath himself, resisting the urge to hold John close. “I’m here, my love,” He said, swiping his thumb over the freckled man’s quivering lower lip.

 

   John nodded shakily, his eyes staying on Alexander’s as he suffered through the tremors, his vision beginning to blur around the edges as his lungs tried to force themselves to work, the result being Laurens gasping for air desperately, but to no avail. Alexander was forced to watch this, his eyebrows knitting together as he watched his closest friend suffer. In an attempt to distract himself, and hopefully Laurens, he pressed a long kiss to the man’s temple, his free hand working at brushing the dying man’s hair back soothingly.

 

   As John’s tremors ceased, his body falling limp with exhaustion against Alexander’s, the dark haired man let out a heavy sob, his shoulders heaving as he clutched the lifeless body close to him.

 

   “Dear God, just give me my right hand man back,” He stammered helplessly, his tears mixing with John’s own blood in wetting the white shirt after moving his jacket off of the man’s body.

 

   Alexander was in disbelief as he looked down at John’s face, his cheeks losing their healthy glow with each passing moment. Reaching out, he traced over the scattered freckles on the man’s lifeless cheeks as his own tears plopped down onto Laurens’ face.

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of John Laurens-- the founding father that so often goes on without recognition, but deserved so much more. In correct historical context, Laurens died an honorable death like he would have wanted during a battle towards the beginning of the Revolutionary War. Unfortunately, like in this work, his death came all too soon and subsequently rendered him forgotten in so many history books. John Laurens was one of the most strong-willed abolitionists of his time in a mostly pro-slavery South Carolina and had the ideals of a man far beyond his time. John Laurens’ legacy will not die out, but will carry on in the hearts of those after his death still in the pursuit of racial equality in the world.


End file.
